In the Span of a Half Hour

Louis and I picked up Norah at school. She was exhausted and the moment we walked in the door she asked to take a nap in my bed, which I happily obliged. I fixed Louis a bottle and we settled in on the couch. My sister called. I talked to her for 5 seconds before Norah emerged from my room complaining she was "so hot." She appeared to be covered in sweat. Upon further examination it was determined she was actually covered in Vicks Vapo Rub. Covered. Louis got stuck in his papasan chair and I stripped Norah down and hosed her off in the shower, scrubbing with soap. She asked to take a bath, so I filled the tub for her and got her settled in with toys. Went to rescue Louis who had pooped. Pooped so much that poop was escaping out of his diaper and running down his leg. Took him to the changing table, opened the diaper, and discovered the wiper warmer had no wipes. Holding him by the legs I opened the closet door with a giant stretch and discovered there were no more wipes. Realized the diaper bag was on the floor of Louis' room by the door and it had wipes. Let go of Lou's legs to retrieve said wipes. Retrieved wipes in 4 seconds. In 4 seconds, Lou kicked like a donkey and poop flew across the room. Then he rolled over. In poop. Stripped him down, wiped him off (all the while having a conversation with Norah so I know she hasn't drowned), got Lou situated and then he peed everywhere. Stripped him again, changed the cover to the diaper changing pad, wiped up pee. Put Lou on the floor on a blanket and spray down the poop walls. Picked Lou up and he barfed everywhere. Went to check on Norah and discovered that she had been pretending she was in a sinking boat and was dumping cups of water out of the tub and onto the floor in order to "save" herself.

Is 2:00 pm too early for vodka?