The Honey Pot

This morning after music class, Norah and I went to Babies R Us to pick up some supplies for Funkhouser (oh, nipple cream, how I have so NOT missed you). I hadn't been there in forever, probably close to a year, and it was crazy how small and non-Norah like all the items were. Anyway, there is a Kohl's next door and since I am always on the hunt for pants that might actually fit my relatively tall and very skinny kid, we popped in (the no diaper situation has just made it worse-I literally cannot keep her pants up. She has a constant plumber's crack).

It was pretty early in the day and so hardly anyone was there. We wandered around for a good hour just looking at stuff (the watches were her favorite, as was the lingerie section), and played hide and seek in the shower curtain department. Pants were a bust, but as we made our way to the cashier we passed a display of super cute and super on sale Valentine's stuff. I have been wanting a cookie jar for forever for some weird reason and there were some really cute ones, so I asked Norah to pick out her favorite. She picked this one that looks like a cupcake.

She likes it because it "looks like a honey pot." Anyway, it's not tiny, but not huge. Probably 18 inches tall or so. Anyway, she asked if she could carry it and I said sure. We were waiting in the world's slowest line when the woman from the jewelry counter asked if we wanted to step out of line and be rung up in the jewelry department. Why of course we did. She came over and snatched the jar out of Norah's hands and started walking back to her register. Dude. Norah, LOST IT. Of course she did. The lady literally pulled it out of her hands. I said, 'oh, it's fine, she can carry it.' The woman said, 'no, she absolutely can NOT. She is going to drop it and it will break everywhere.' I told her that Norah was fine and was being careful and on the off chance that she broke it I would be happy to pay for it.

No dice. This broad literally ran to her register with poor Norah's honey pot and Norah wailed like I have never heard her wail before. I paid as quickly as possible so that I could just give her back the dang cookie jar. The lady gave me the side eye, you know the, I can't believe you let your kid scream in public, kind of look... so I said, 'I hope it was worth making a 2 year old cry over a $12 cookie jar THAT I WOULD HAVE PAID FOR ANYWAY.' Geesh.

Once in the car Norah told me she was sorry for crying in the store. I felt bad because 1) she didn't do anything wrong and I wanted to make sure she knew that, but 2) I would like to avoid public screaming as much as possible. So, I told her that the lady wasn't right in taking the jar from her but next time maybe we wouldn't scream about it. She agreed.

Funkhouser Update: Week 34

Today was Funkhouser's last fetal echo cardiogram and we have officially 'graduated' from the heart center with a clean bill of health. He will get an EKG sometime in the first few days after he's born (while we are obviously still in the hospital), but no one anticipates any problems. So, check that off the list: heart-A+.

I have been having routine non-stress tests every week, which as I have described before, involved hooking me up to two monitors, one for Funk's heat rate and the other to monitor my uterine contractions. Last week (so at 33 weeks), the uterine contraction monitor was going off like gang busters. To the point where the nurse asked me, 'um, are you feeling that??' I was and it hurt, but I figured it was either Braxton-Hicks (ie, fake) contractions or Funks giving me a karate chop to the gut. See, I don't really know what a real contraction feels like. When Norah was born my water broke completely but I never contracted on my own, so all I know of labor contractions are the pitocin induced contractions of doom. And apparently, I am an idiot. I had to be monitored for a bit more and then monitored again later to make sure it wasn't something more to be concerned about. It wasn't, but I got the strict instructions to take it easy, drink more water, keep my feet up, and not travel more than an hour from the hospital. Sucks because I had to miss my Cooking Club on Saturday and the annual retreat for the lawyer organization I am on the board of on Sunday, but I suppose it was a good thing because yesterday's NST was much less dramatic.

In other news, my insomnia has reached critical mass. I fall asleep around 10 and then am generally up at 11, 12, 1, 2, 3-5. You get the idea. And this is after taking a Unisom at bedtime. It's brutal. I am not a great sleeper to begin with as you know, but this is getting completely ridiculous. It doesn't help that I have a horrific head cold right now and can't breathe. Congestion+insomnia+anxiety about not being able to breathe or sleep=me about ready to go insane. I can't lay down or sit still and spent a good part of the middle of the night last night walking around the block. I thought I was going to avoid the crazies this time around since I seem to have been successful in avoiding the rash from hell, but it looks like I am still going to end up in a bad, bad place. It's not pretty. Someone from my local mom's club recommended an acupuncturist who apparently works wonders on crazy brains like mine, and so I am seeing her for the first time on Friday. Cross your fingers.

I am also huge. HUGE. I went from 'that's a giant belly' to 'holy crap, what is living in there' literally overnight. I got a sandwich from a place across the street from work yesterday and the woman asked me when I was due. I said 'just over a month' and she said, 'are you having twins? You are HUGE.' I said, 'don't you know you aren't supposed to say something like that to a pregnant woman?' She gave me my lunch for free.

Thankfully, Norah and BVZ are taking it all in stride and are doing their best to take good care of me. We were at Target on Sunday and the clerk asked Norah if she was getting a brother or sister. She said, 'he is a brother. I am his big sister. He is a baby and is going to sleep in my bed with me. I love him. His name is Funkhouser.' And that, my friends, makes it all worthwhile.

Baby Ballet: Week 2

Today was Norah's second ballet class and the first no-parents one. She could hardly contain herself all week (about the class, not the no-parents part, I think) and asked every day if it was ballet day. When she woke up this morning she wanted to immediately put on her dress. She was very excited. I was very nervous. To be perfectly honest, 98% of my nervousness was due to the fact that she didn't poop at all yesterday and I knew we were in for a big one. (As a way too much information aside, I consider myself lucky because she has always been a once a day or once every other day kind of pooper. When she goes, she GOES, but once she's done I know we are safe for a while. I purposely gave her some watered down pear juice with breakfast, and voila, it worked like a charm and I could breathe a little easier).

We made the 2 minute walk to class (well, I waddled very slowly while Norah made BVZ chase her) and as soon as we got there she was fine. I don't think she even noticed we left. We could see her through the window (see my failure at a picture below), but she paid us no attention at all. She did great and loved every second of it. I hate to say it, but she likes ballet about one million times more than she liked soccer. We are certainly not giving up on soccer and will do it again once the weather is a little warmer, but man. The kid loves ballet.

I totally get why it is a no-parent class and I have to say it much better that way. All the kids who couldn't listen and misbehaved were perfect, charming little angels without their parents around. Even that jerk Austin did a great job. Maybe it's his parents that are really the jerks.

Hair Bow

Aunt Vanessa brought Norah several hair barrettes including this giant, awesome flower. I am not exaggerating in the slightest bit when I say that other than when I forced her to take it out for bath and bedtime, she hasn't taken it out of her hair since receiving it.

I like how she is T-rexing her "samich" in this picture.

Long Weekend

We took advantage of the long weekend to make a much needed trip to the beach. Every time we go we say we should go every.single.weekend. It is definitely the GVZ happy place.

The water was really rough, but it was warm and sunny and (relatively) non-windy. Norah spent a lovely morning shoveling sand and making me bury her feet over and over and over again.

I sat on the blanket (because, truthfully, once I am down I am staying down), and BVZ and Norah took a leisurely walk.

Sleeping In

Last night was a weird night. I took a wonderfully long nap yesterday afternoon, but then could not for the life of me fall asleep at bedtime (hence all of the lengthy blog posts). I probably didn't go to bed until close to 3:00 am. Poor BVZ went to bed early but then woke up at about 1:00 am with a random, horrible bout of insomnia and was up for hours. Needless to say, we were both sound asleep when Norah started yelling "come and get me, I am awaaaaake!" this morning. I was shocked when I looked at the clock and saw it was 9:00 am (I don't think any of us have slept that late in 2.5 years). I went to get her and found this:

I think she'd been up for a while.

The Big Girl Room

Norah's big girl room is finally done and she has officially moved in. I wish I would have taken some 'before' pictures of the room, but of course I forgot. The room had previously been the guest bedroom/office/general dumping ground. It was a deep maroon color.

It is now a lovely light peachy-yellow. I am hoping it won't have to be repainted until Norah is a teenager and wants it black. Right off the bat is a picture of my favorite part-the wall tree over her bed.

It is a vinyl decal that I ordered off of Etsy. It was a true labor of love-from start to finish it took about 6 hours to put up. Huge, huge, HUGE props to Aunt Vanessa who was instrumental in the installation of the tree trunk. Now, I knew I wouldn't be able to put the tree up myself, it was definitely a two person job, and I feared that BVZ and I wouldn't be able to put it up together and remain married. Aunt Vanessa was in town for the long weekend and we got to see her on Saturday, and so I knew she would be the perfect person for the job because she: 1) has an excellent attention to detail, and 2) would be (relatively) nice to BVZ. I took a nap with Norah while they put it up and even though it took them over 2 hours to get it up it was perfect. Once we woke up, Grandpa Gene and Ms. Mary were here and they gracefully entertained Norah for the next 4 hours while I put up the flowers, birds, owls, and leaves.

These prints are from her old room. You can also see her nightstand, which she loves. It has a small drawer and every day she hides a new surprise in there. This morning it was full of legos.

This is her new bed (all furniture is from The Land of Nod). I agonized for weeks about the bedding, which is from Pottery Barn Kids. I loved it, but could not justify spending that amount of money on kids' bedding. Right before Christmas I got an email coupon for like 25% off and I decided to pull the trigger. The story is long and not that interesting but basically they were sold out save for the quilt that had been on display and so it was deeply discounted, the stock guy took forever to bring it up so the sales person discounted it even more, and I had my coupon. I ended up walking out of the store with the quilt and sham for over a $100 less than I was planning to spend. Score. We ended up putting the rail from her toddler bed up just in case. It makes the bed much harder to make and I hate the way it looks, but she lays up against it so it has to be there for the time being.

That's the door to the sun room. I put a black out curtain up on the other side of the door and it works perfectly. The green curtain is the one from her old room. Her old room had black out curtains behind the green one, so she never got natural light. Now, when I go to get her in the morning the first thing she asks to see is the sun. I don't blame her.

These are the storage bins that had been in the living room. The majority of her toys are now (thankfully) in her room.

Her new dresser, with the same elephant print that was in her old room. The blue hook on the right is for her bath towel, the pink one of the left is for her cape/dress up clothes/whatever.

Bookshelf with her owl print.

Funkhouser's room gets the recliner/glider, so we got this small, yet comfy, chair from IKEA.

See that white bin? Nothing but stuffed animals. She rotates who gets to sleep with her every night.

Another shot of the tree as you enter the room.

She told me today that the little owl is 'Nanor', the big owl is 'Janet', and the birds are 'Ruby', 'Aileen', and 'Teacher Mona' (from music class).

New, big girl lamp.
The pictures don't really do it justice and I couldn't be more pleased with how it turned out. There was a lot of anticipation leading up to it being finished, so imagine my surprise when we told her she could sleep in there for the first time on Friday night and she FREAKED out. She was totally fine and then when we said it was time for bed she got really upset and said she was scared. We did 1,245 books and 2,456 stories and 9,657 songs and I snuggled up with her and rubbed her back until she fell asleep about 2 hours after bedtime. The next two nights went much better and she seems happy as can be (although it still asking for more books/stories than usual). We can deal.

Baby Ballet

Our city has a fabulous Parks and Rec department and lots and lots of classes are offered for little ones. Norah took soccer through the department last fall, but we decided to not do the winter session because they cancel class when it rains and the rate we're going, class would be canceled every week. I gave her some indoor options and she jumped at the chance to do a ballet class. She and Ruby pretend to be ballerinas all of the time, so I knew she would be into it. I was into the fact that the class is at the community center which is a 2 minute walk from our house.

My only apprehension was the fact it isn't a parent/kid class, it is a kid-only class. That makes me a little nervous, especially because of the potty situation. But, I figured we had to pull the trigger at some point, so I signed her up and last week I got her ballet shoes and a ballet outfit. All of the major kid stores carry ballet skirts, leotards, etc., but it is surprisingly difficult to find ones that don't have the traditional ballet bottom (a newly potty trained kid's nightmare). Thankfully, I found an outfit at Old Navy that looked like a ballet leotard and skirt, but is really just a dress.

We got to the dance studio, met Teacher Danielle and learned we would be allowed to stay and watch the first class. The first thing Danielle did was invite the dancers to choose a tiny stuffed friend to dance with. Norah chose a bear and was thrilled.




The other kids showed up, several of which had been in previous ballet sessions. Norah and the little girl standing next to her were the only ones who listened and followed directions.

First was stretching and toe touching.

Then some marching and tip-toeing.


Lots of balancing the animal on the head.

Scarf dancing. By this point a little boy named Austin had joined the class. Now, I am all for diversity, but he was a giant pain in the ass. He was really disruptive. I don't think it was the fact he was a boy, I think he was just a jerk.





Norah excelled at the jumping part.

Her favorite part was when Danielle pulled out the ring and when she called each kid's name, they were supposed to run up, jump in the ring and then jump out of it.

I was holding my breath, but again, Norah was one of the only ones who did as she was asked.

Some more marching and tip-toeing.

They got to give their animals a hug goodbye, which Norah was more than happy to do.

Balancing on the back to rock them to sleep. Again, you can see the two superstars of the class (believe me, it could have gone the other way-we just got lucky).

At the end of the class Teacher Danielle passed out little stickers (Norah got a horse-she was thrilled), and Norah announced, "I am ready to go potty."

An unqualified success. We'll see how it goes next week when we have to stay outside.

New Camera

I have been wanting a DSLR camera for a really long time, and so we finally took advantage of the good Christmas sales and got one. I really like it but have not had much of a chance to play with it (sadly, it sat in the box for almost 2 weeks after it arrived). I swore to myself I wouldn't only use the automatic setting, but baby steps, right?

Last weekend I tried it out for the first time while BVZ and Norah were playing little girls.

I thought this was a sweet one.


For no apparent reason (at least not one that I can actually remember), she got really mad about something and much crying ensued.

I call this one, "Art Garfunkel throws a fit."


She likes to inform us, "these are REAL tears!" (When she throws a fit about whatever the latest crisis is I always ask her, 'is this real or are you faking?' Usually she is honest and tells me, 'faking.')


Recovery was quick and little girl playing quickly resumed.

These pictures took on average one million times longer to upload than my normal photos. I am hoping the connection was just slow or the site was sluggish, because it will drive.me.crazy if DSLR photos are always going to take this long to upload.

Funkhouser Update: Week 32

Holy smokes, week 32. We got shifted on the hospital schedule a bit and it looks like unless he decides to make an earlier appearance, Funkhouser's birthday will be February 28. Which is kind of cool because Norah is a 28th and maybe this way BVZ will be able to remember their birthdays (just kidding, honey).

We started NST's (non-stress tests) this morning, and will continue them every week until he's born. Basically it consisted of me hanging out in an exam room strapped to a fetal heart and uterine contraction monitor. They are looking to make sure his heart rate fluctuates appropriately and I am not contracting unnecessarily. Funks did NOT like the monitor and every time the nurse would settle in on his heart beat he would give a swift kung fu chop and the monitor (think something that looks and feels like a light-weight hockey puck) would literally pop off. She had to re-position everything every 10 minutes or so and I ended up having to be monitored for over an hour, instead of the scheduled 40 minutes. She kept apologizing that it was taking so long and I kept telling her that spending an hour with my feet up, reading US Weekly was literally my dream come true.

There are 5 different OB's in the practice and so I am trying to meet all of them just in case Funks comes early and my OB isn't available. The doctor I met today was awesome and totally empathetic to my sleep woes. She gave me some suggestions and then said if it didn't get better soon we could talk about the most glorious word I have heard in a while....Ambien.

We are now past the point when the PUPPPS (ie, the rash from the deep dark depths of hell) started last time. I am cautiously optimistic.

How far along?: 32 weeks. We're getting close.

Weight: I am on track to gain about 30 lbs total. Which is fine. I think the thing I will miss most about being pregnant is the nightly bowl of ice cream. Is that wrong?

Sleep: Horrible. See previous posts for long lists of complaints.

Gender: All boy.

Movement: All of the time. Especially at 3:00 am. He is no longer breech, which really shouldn't matter, but ultimately is a good thing (so we don't have to worry about his hips).

Feeling: No rash, so no complaints. Let's just say I am not exactly a chipper, glowing, pregnant lady.

Food Cravings: Nothing in particular, but the other day I would have given just about anything for some Dan-Dan Noodles from PF Changs.

Fetal fruit: Honeydew!

Posts have been woefully lacking in pictures lately, so here's a few. Norah's big girl room is starting to come together (I hope to be finished with it this weekend so she can move in). The mattress finally got here and she is IN LOVE with her new bed.

And Baby Cousin Reid, who is a month old and perfectly delicious.

About Last Night

I suck at sleeping. No, really. I SUCK at sleeping. Even when I am not pregnant, I suck at sleeping a lot of the time, but it is now really starting to get ridiculous. I am waking 4 to 5 times a night just to pee and then getting back to sleep is proving to be impossible. Throw in some difficulties on the part of BVZ and Norah and we are pretty much complete disasters. Here's a little taste of our night last night:

8:30 pm: Norah goes to bed. (It has become more and more of a fight to get her to settle down at night-and then she wants to sleep until 9:00 am. Which on the weekends is awesome, weekdays, not so much).

10:30 pm: BVZ and I go to bed. His back has been acting up, so he takes a painkiller and falls asleep within 13.2 seconds of being in bed. I toss and turn for about 30 minutes before giving up and folding a basket of laundry and watching tv. I mean, those episodes of Hoarders aren't just going to watch themselves.

12:00 am: I pee for the 400th time and drag myself into bed where I fall asleep relatively quickly.

2:00 am: I wake up and cannot get back to sleep. It doesn't help that I have a bad cold and ear infection right now. It also doesn't help that I can't get the theme song to Calliou out of my head. I start to have an anxiety attack (really) that I will never be able to sleep again. My tossing wakes up BVZ who rubs my back and strong arms me into taking a Benadryl for my cold and Tylenol for my ear (I did go to the doctor on Saturday and because it's an outer ear infection they can only prescribe steroid/antibiotic drops which are Class C and thus no bueno for Funkhouser. So, I suffer). He falls asleep while rubbing my back and starts to snore very softly. I am in fear of total meltdown and so I get the fuzzy blanket from the couch and lay down on Norah's new big girl bed (she hasn't moved into the new room yet because it isn't finished). I manage to fall asleep despite the fact that I can't get the Alanis Morrisette song 'Ironic' out of my head.

4:30 am: I wake up to Norah screaming, 'MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM! I need you!!' I rush to her room and she is inconsolable. Her room looks really different now because we are in operation room change mode and I think there are some strange shadows on the wall. She calms down and asks to go potty, so we walk into the bathroom and I flip on the light. She loses her mind at how the bright light hurts her eyes and I have to spend 10 minutes calming her down before she will pee. She then goes and gets her pillow and blanket and crawls into our bed. Everyone tosses and turns for about 10 minutes before BVZ decides that his back hurts and he's going to go lay down on the living room floor. Norah pats my face and hair and wants to hear 35 stories before snuggling into my right armpit and falling asleep.

5:30 am: I wake up and NORAH IS NO LONGER IN THE BED WITH ME. I bolt out of bed (which let me tell you, isn't easy these days), and start screaming her name. Turns out she is in the living room with BVZ. He's telling her some story about ducks and trying to convince her to go back to bed and she's patting his head and face and telling him she wants to play with her Lincoln Logs.

6:00 am: I fall back asleep despite the fact that I need to get up again in about 45 minutes.

7:45 am: I wake up for good, an hour after I am supposed to. Turns out that BVZ and Norah never went back to sleep, rather they played quietly so as not to wake me up and had breakfast.

9:00 am: We all stumble out of the house, really, really, really late. And everyone is exhausted.

Know any insomnia remedies that don't involve drugs? Send 'em my way.

Sad Day

I was going to do a post about how we took Norah to the toy store yesterday to pick out her "I am potty trained" prize and she chose a giant rubber T-Rex, but it somehow doesn't seem appropriate in light of the tragedy in Tucson yesterday.

BVZ and I lived in Tucson for 3 years. It is where we met, where we went to law school, and where many of our friends and colleagues still live and practice. We know several people with both personal and professional connections to the victims of yesterday's shooting. It would be devastating no matter where it happened, but for some reason the fact that it was Tucson, a place we love, makes it all the more real. And so unsettling.

It is a tragedy that has forever changed the lives of the victims, their friends and family, and an entire community. I won't venture a guess as to the motivation, political or not, of the gunman, because it seems pretty clear from the reports that have been released that he was profoundly mentally ill (I would put my money on paranoid schizophrenia). It doesn't really matter. Nothing makes the whole thing suck any less.

All our thoughts are with you, Tucson.

Mom, You Let Her Shot Me!

Because Norah only gets one vaccination at a time we are still a little behind. To be fair I hadn't brought in her in for over 6 months, so we actually could have been caught up but for my slacking. Anyway, after music class today she got her second round of Hepatitis A. Now, Norah has never really been scared of shots. Which is ironic, since she always has a bad reaction. She loves going to the doctor, playing doctor, and giving and receiving pretend shots. So, I felt no need to lie to her about where we were going and why we were going there (actually, I wouldn't lie to her regardless-the last thing I am ever going to do is tell her we are going to the zoo and then take her to the dentist. Years of therapy there).

Surprisingly, she was really, really apprehensive about getting a shot. She kept saying, "I don't want to but I will try to be brave." She was momentarily distracted by the fountain in the lobby of the medical office but was still pretty freaked out. She did okay until we got into the actual exam room and that's when she lost.her.mind. SCREAMING and crying and clawing at me. Oh, and did I mention the screaming? I couldn't believe she was so upset. She refused to stand or sit or even lay on the table and so I had to hold her (while she death gripped me), while the nurse got her in the leg. She was so mad and yelled, "Mom, you let her shot me!" I felt so, so, so bad, especially for laughing.

The good news is that she had almost no reaction at all to the injection (just minor redness), so maybe she's growing out of her sensitivity after all. We still had to wait in the office for a half hour, and while we hung out Norah told me she would be okay if she had a chocolate milkshake.

Those are her new rain boots. I got them from a baby bargain website for something ridiculous like $3, but sizes were limited and the ones I got were 2 sizes too big. I figured I would put them away for next year, but as soon as Norah saw them it was game on and she hasn't let them out of her sight. She insists on wearing them everywhere even though they fall off constantly. It's driving me crazy.

Oh, and just as a quick update, I was so dumb for freaking out about her having to potty in public. She is a world champion. IT IS SO MUCH EASIER to find a bathroom than it is to change diapers in public places. Shoulda, coulda, woulda, but I am shocked at how not a big deal at all it is.

Wiped

This is how Norah and I looked by the end of the day today. We were wiped.

I was worn out from work and a fetus kicking the crap out of me all day. Norah said she was worn out from "playing with Ruby like it's my job." BVZ didn't make it home before bath, so we had a picnic (ie, tv) dinner.

Lately, she's favored this PBS show called "The Cat In The Hat Knows a Lot About That" over her boyfriend Curious George. I am always there when she watches it but I am usually doing 19 or so other things so I don't pay that close of attention. Tonight we snuggled and ate dinner and I asked her a lot of questions about the show. I knew the little girl was Sally but I didn't know the boys name, so I asked her and she said, "he's a dick." I asked her again and she repeated, "he's a dick." My first instinct was that BVZ was going to KILL me (because clearly, she must have heard that from me). About 5 minutes later, the Cat clarified that the boys name was in fact NICK (I think Norah must have been saying "he's Nick.") Whew.

After dinner we spent 45 minutes playing Norah's current favorite game, which is "Santa." The way it works is that I lay on the couch under a blanket pretending to sleep and Norah stomps around on the "roof" with her reindeer. I then have to wake up and say "Santa, Santa, I am so happy that you are here." She then tells me that I have been a very good girl and kisses my cheek and then puts my "present" in my hand. Tonight my present was a piece of invisible cheese. She's a good Santa.

Back to the Grind

For some reason I thought that after spending 10 days straight with me, Norah would be sad when I went back to work on Monday.

Yeah, not so much.