Sleep Is For Babies

Anyone who knows us knows that our number one struggle as parents of a wee one has been sleep. We simply don't get enough of it. I am an insomniac by nature and I fear that I have passed my screwy brain onto Norah. She didn't sleep through the night (and by sleep through the night I am using the medical definition of a consecutive 5 hours-not bedtime until wake time) until well after a year old. Did you read that correctly? She didn't, and so I didn't, sleep for a consecutive 5 hour stretch until well after a year old.

At the end of last summer I went back to work and we knew something had to change, so we called in the big guns and hired a sleep consultant (it was our anniversary gift to each other--ha). It was for all intents and purposes a damn miracle and that kid started sleeping from 7:00 pm to 6:00 am. Seriously. Many nights we didn't hear a peep from her until 7:00 am! It was as though the heavens opened up and the sun finally started shining. Sure, she had her bad nights here and there but for the most part we were confident that she was fixed.

If I have learned anything as a parent, though, it is that just when you think it is safe to go back in the water, Jaws is right below the surface just waiting to bite your legs off. About a month ago, Norah started waking again during the night. No biggie, we just would pull her into our bed and everyone would snuggle the night away. Except 'snuggle the night away' usually entailed me having a toddler hand up my nose and BVZ having a toddler foot wedged under his rib cage... Her waking seemed to coincide with BVZ's back surgery and inability to pick her up at all, so we figured it was probably a result of her needing and wanting to be close to him. So we relaxed the rules a little (the rule being everyone sleeps all night in their own bed). Slowly but surely she started waking earlier and earlier every night, demanding to be brought into our bed.

There are a lot of awesome things about all the talking that's going on with her. She can tell us what she wants to eat, drink, what she wants to do (walk v. carry), etc. The list is endless. Unfortunately she can also say things like 'Nanor's bed NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Mommy bed PUHLEEEEEESE' so there is no mistaking what she wants. But, last night was the night to end all nights as far as Norah's sleeping goes.

She went right bed at 7:30 pm--business as usual. By about 7:45 I could still hear her 'talking' to her stuffed friends. By 8:00 she was crying and yelling for me, so I went in and she was WIDE AWAKE. As in someone slipped this kid an espresso when I wasn't looking. I will spare everyone the gory details, but I spent the next 4 and a half hours (that's not a typo), trying to get her to go to bed. She wasn't upset (well, most of the time she wasn't upset), she just didn't want to go to bed. Here are a few things that failed:

• Rocking in the glider (we probably did at least 2 hours combined rocking. She kept asking for 'rockie, rockie' so I obliged, but it was ultimately unsuccessful).
• Putting all her friends in the crib, taking all her friends out of the crib.
• Laying down with Mom, Dad, Mom and Dad together, Bubby.
• Being put in her crib (mad screaming ensued and I worried she would figure out how to climb out).
• Food.
• Water.
• Milk.
• A Shower.
• Calm and soothing bedtime books.
• Calm and soothing music.
• An episode of Curious George.
• An episode of the Real World/Road Rules challenge (yes, I DVR it--don't judge).
• Sitting in the dark.
• Singing.
• Begging.
• Promising a car on her 16th birthday.

At one point she got pissed at something (I think Curious George ending) and she took off running and flung herself against Bubby's closed door. Her 26 lbs of fury worked and the door opened and she went head first into the corner of the computer desk. Many tears ensued and I thought for sure that would tire her out enough to fall asleep, but no dice.

Ultimately the only thing that worked (at 1:00 am) was settling her into her crib and then letting her cry. Thankfully it only took about 15 minutes for her finally to fall asleep, but man, did I feel like a big asshole. I felt like an even bigger asshole this morning when she was playing with her baby doll--putting her in the stroller, tucking a blanket around her, and giving her sweet kisses. And then showing me how the baby was 'crying.' Oh man, just reserve us a spot on Intervention now.